untitled...

"People says, you'll never learn till you lose it.." now i truly understands this quote...

i fucked up...

Sitting here, wondering, how should I write?
how much I wish it shouldn't end this way, that it shouldn't end at all,
It's not a dream to me, when what I felt is really true,
How much i wish it was a nightmare where I could wake up and things weren't this way.
but I wasn't living in a dream, because every single inch of my body feels this feeling,
it's tingling, it's beyond my control,
a feeling which I stand strong and fight with anyone who's in my way,
What i had felt before this, is as true as it can be,
everyday it's like rainbows and butterflies all around me,
but what i felt right now, i don't wish it could be true,
a feeling which i felt i'm strengthless and i couldn't move on,
I couldn't breath, and no matter what, I'll stand, or I'll crawl,
because of the one person that makes me true,
one person who changed my entire life,
and that one person who gave me something valuable, which is love...

Days

They say,
it takes a minute,
to find a special person,
an hour to appreciate them,
a day to love em,
but an entire life to forget them..

I didn't think it was true at first, cause through relationships, most of it are the ones i really do love them, tho in the end, things just goes in separate ways... It wasn't hard as it sounds... The shortest time of me being single was just a few days, and past relationships wasn't that hurtful anymore..
Until i met this special someone, who fits the quote above.. Cause that's what i can't do right now... Reminiscing thru some old memories, pictures, and gifts together, waiting, and can't forget, forgiving and living on a thread...

Songs..=')

Every latest songs seem so nice to hear,
yet parts of every lyrics sounds so much like her,
and some sounded like what i felt like telling her,
some gave me strength to go on,
and some just brings me down,
some makes me tears,
and some even makes me reminisce,

hearing classical songs,
gives me time to calm,
but repeating itself seems so dumb,
how long can i keep myself calm?
when everyday i wish to hold her palm..

smiles...=')

It's been umpteen days, since I lost someone very special to me... Someone, whom I can't seem to let go.. though we're still going out, but as normal friends.. it makes me happy enough to know she's just right there by my side all the time... only thing is that there's a boundary between us.. it's just an extra word to add into "friend"...and everything will be totally different.

Those memories we had together... starts to swirl around my head, and things we've been through together isn't easy to erase. Though it's a short period, but the times we spent together, seems like it lasted than we are together.. Cherishing every moments together, forgive and to forget, to love and to comfort.. sadness, that needs to be cheered.. loneliness that needs to be cuddled..

Somehow.. i wish for her happiness, but on the other hand, i wish i could be selfish.. but I can't, seeing her now, with a cheerful face all the time, how could I take away all that?... It hurts a lot to let go something which really meant the world to you..
I still love her, whole heartedly..

Hardest part in life..

Through out these months we've been together,
Tons of arguments, yet loads of memories,
Gallons of tears, and countless times of joy,
Through sickness, and healthy times,
Cherishing every moment together,
and it all ended with a full stop.
Everyone says just forget it and move on,
I've been tryin to input that phrase into me,
countless times I tried, yet it isn't easy,
Yet i still cherish everything bout her,
I grew to love her imperfections and all..
and I've never once ever thought of leaving her.

The hardest part in life, is to let go someone you really love so badly...
and to give them the happiness they wanted.
i don't know how to describe this feeling,
how much I really cherish this relationship,
seems to me the harder I try, the more it seems to go away..
Smiling, is only a face,
to let people know that you're happy,
but it's not easy to smile, when tears always fills your eyes when you smile..



It's hard to forget bout someone you loved so much.


and I'm still trying....I still love you...

General Anxiety Disorder..

After so long, i realized that I've been diagnose with such a disorder..
General Anxiety Disorder (G.A.D.)
Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) is an anxiety disorder that is characterized by excessive, uncontrollable and often irrational worry about everyday things that is disproportionate to the actual source of worry. This excessive worry often interferes with daily functioning, as individuals suffering GAD typically catastrophise, anticipate disaster, and are overly concerned about everyday matters such as health issues, money, death, family problems, friend problems or work difficulties.^[1] They often exhibit a variety of physical symptoms, including fatigue, fidgeting, headaches, nausea, muscle tension, muscle aches, difficulty swallowing, bouts of difficulty breathing, trembling, twitching, irritability, sweating, insomnia, hot flashes, and rashes. These symptoms must be consistent and on-going, persisting at least 6 months, for a formal diagnosis of GAD to be introduced. ^[1] Approximately 6.8 million American adults experience GAD.

So... yeah, i have partially those symptoms, now that explains the rashes on my body, the trembling and the excessive sweats.... Can i be cure?...